what word describes the sound of air pouring fourth from a vent? one of those square ones you see in drop ceilings across the westernized world. "rushing"? "discharge"? "effusion"?
coupled with the tapping clatter of keys and the occasional bit of objuration coming from the disgruntled ESRI crafters it re-enforces the weighted silence of the grad student lounge.

what am i doing here?

i am "researching" for my next paper. this one is about farming subsidies. i will readily admit that i am feeling a distinct lack of enthusiasm for the topic. the propositions for my proposal are dull and lifeless; i wrote them because i had to but i don't know if they will actually lead to anything worthwhile, much less 4000-5000 words worth of something... objectively i am pretty sure that they are actually ok (i think, this could be wishful thinking though). but i, the researcher and scribbler of words, am finding nothing in what i wrote that is leading me to further thought on what more to write...

what am i doing here?

i don't want to be an academic. an inveterate scribbler of words out of touch with the world and reality who takes other papers and makes new ones to feed the endless cycle of journals and digests while feeding the ego with thoughts of informing those who form the minds of the masses... a scholar perhaps, learned, well-read, conversant, trained in the lore and practice of my immediate field and those related. but an academic?